


Till Death Do Us Part

by Lobotomite



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Non-con and underage are not explicit, past child sexual abuse, set after the 20th of October's episodes, slightly AU after that point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 04:12:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8431405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lobotomite/pseuds/Lobotomite
Summary: Aaron wakes up in the hospital and thinks on his relationship with Robert.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first proper piece of fiction I've written in about five years, so I'm very rusty and this took a lot longer than it should have. It was started before the Friday episode aired, hence the departure from canon.
> 
> Also, I just want to make it clear that this is from Aaron's point of view, and the poor lad has no self esteem to speak of, so a lot of it is very negative. I personally don't agree with a lot of Aaron's thoughts about his relationship with Robert and thoughts about himself, especially with regards to his feelings of inadequacy as a result of his sexual abuse. 
> 
> Lastly, while it's mainly only referenced in the context of Aaron dealing with the ramifications, there is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it non-explicit description of Gordon's abuse of Aaron in this story. If you don't want to read it, just skip the paragraph in italics.

The way Aaron wakes up is familiar in all of the worst ways. His mouth is dry, his head feels like it's been stuffed with cotton, his body aches, and it feels like he's clawing through mud to drag himself into consciousness. All of this is as familiar as the press of plastic against his face, and he forces himself into alertness, hand reaching for his breathing mask before his eyes are open. Light pierces through his squinting eyes as the sounds around him settle from a maelstrom of noise to a familiar deep voice backed by the usual hospital backdrop, and he manages to focus his eyes on the beaming face of his best mate.

“-scare,” Adam is saying, both of his hands tight around one of Aaron's. “Don't you dare pull this shit again, you hear me? I know you're desperate for my attention, but there're easier ways of getting it, mate.” He wants to roll his eyes at Adam, to snipe back, but Adam's voice is warm and reassuring and all he manages to do is smile, words getting lost in the warmth of Adam's gaze.

“You back with us, then, lad?” Adam asks, concern starting to edge into his face, and Aaron nods quickly, easing off as the bobbing of his head sends the room spinning.

“Yeah,” he manages, voice scratchy with disuse, letting the breathing mask fall gently onto his chest. A deep breath, and he continues, “yeah, I'm here. I don't.... what happened?” His mind clicks back into gear, and he gasps, confusion abruptly swept aside in a cold shock of panic. “Fuck. Fuck, I crashed the car, we were- Robert. Oh, God, is he-” Adam shakes his head, squeezing Aaron's hand and leaning forward, cutting him off before he can work himself up any further.

“No no, Aaron, it's okay, Robert is fine. A little bit banged up, but it's you everyone's been worried about.”

_Robert's okay_. Robert is okay, but he doesn't have time for relief to hit because-

“Lachlan,” is all he can force out through the guilt and horror squeezing at his chest. Adam's brow furrows.

“Mmm? Lachlan? He's not been causing any trouble, if that's what you're asking. Well, he did turn up when we pulled you out of the water, the weird little shit. Dunno what he was doing out there, but Robert had words with him and he's kept clear since.” He can tell that Adam suspects Aaron knows more about Lachlan's appearance than he does, but he doesn't press the issue and Aaron is more than happy to leave it for another time.

He hasn't killed anyone, then. Isn't responsible for a life changing injury. The thought doesn't fully assuage his guilt – he'd been driving, should have known better than anyone the importance of keeping his eyes on the road, of keeping control, he'd been _stupid, reckless_ – but the panic and fear loosen their death grip on his ribs and he slumps into the too hard hospital bed, all at once exhausted.

Adam relaxes as he does, rocking back into his uncomfortable looking chair and loosening his grip on Aaron, pulling one hand back to run through his hair and leaving the other resting on Aaron's. Pain is starting to make itself known to him; his nose and forehead sting, his thighs and ankle ache, but the real pain is centred in his chest. There's a constant, heavy ache, flaring into a sharp stabbing pain with each breath in, and now that he's aware of it he has to squeeze his eyes closed for a long moment to steady his breathing. Adam seems tired now that he has time for a proper look and Aaron twists his hand around, meeting Adam's palm and pressing a gentle touch to his wrist with his fingertips.

“The crash... how bad was it?” Aaron asks quietly, heart sinking when he sees the look on Adam's face.

“Honestly? Pretty nasty. I don't know how much you saw, but there were loads of cars that ended up getting caught up in it. Paddy and Rhona- they're fine!” he adds quickly at the look on Aaron's face. “They're fine, Paddy's been around to visit. Rhona was hurt pretty badly, but she's gonna pull through.” He stops and looks down, obviously not finished but seemingly reluctant to continue.

“And?” Aaron prompts gently. Adam swallows and looks back up, avoiding his gaze.

“James died in the accident.”

“Oh, Adam, mate, I'm sorry.” He shrugs, the corner of his mouth pulling up in a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

“It's alright. Back to you, though; I hear Robert popped the question?” He deflects, raising his eyebrows at Aaron.

“Uh... yeah. Yeah, he did.”

“You gonna say yes?” Aaron feels his mouth twist, and he looks up at the bright white ceiling.

“I don't know. I love him, I just... I don't know if he's really ready. If we're really ready.” Adam nods, pushing himself up out of his chair.

“It's a big decision. Give it some thought now, eh? I'm gonna let Chas know you're awake, she'd kill me if I didn't, so he'll be here soon.” He pats Aaron's knee and slips out of the room, leaving Aaron to his thoughts.

Marriage. It's not that he's opposed to the concept; he'd been ready to propose to Jackson, after all. It may have been a unique circumstance, but he'd been serious about sharing the rest of his life with him, and everything that's happened since then has only solidified his realisation that you need to grab onto the good things in your life and hold on as long as you can. But marriage... it means something to him, and if he stands up in front of everyone and says those words, hears those words, he has to be sure that that's it for the both of them.

He knows Robert cares about him. He's proven it, this last year, sticking with Aaron even though he didn't have to, even though nobody would blame him if he'd gotten that deeper look into Aaron's messed up life and run a mile. The thing is, he'd cared for Chrissie, too, and look at how that had turned out. It had been easier when he'd thought (convinced himself?) that Robert was gay and in denial. Then, at least, Robert's atrocious track record of fidelity could be blamed on his partners lacking something Robert needed – lacking something Aaron could give him.

He wondered, sometimes, how much Chrissie had known about Robert's past; had she known, when they started dating, when she'd agreed to marry him, about his propensity for cheating? About his the nature of his strained relationship with his family, the love-hate relationship with his brother? Had she known him at all, or just known the Robert he wanted her to see, the man who could talk his way out of anything?

The sticking point, really, was whether _Aaron_ knew the real Robert. The man who was fiercely loyal  
to the people who he genuinely considered family, who was constantly trying to prove himself, who could be so overwhelmingly soft and caring – the man Aaron had always known he was under the façade, the man who was proving himself with Aaron, with Liv, with Vic. Was he the real Robert, or was he the façade, the pretty lie spun to get into his good books? Aaron is becoming surer and surer that the Robert he fell in love with is the real Robert, he is. But. He's not _100 percent_ sure, and he's honestly not sure if he ever will be.

It's not fair, he knows it's not. Robert has proven himself over and over, since finding out about Gordon especially but even before then, and if anyone should be willing to forgive it should be Aaron. Look at what he'd been like, as a snotty, angry teenager; look at what he'd done, to his mum, to Paddy, to Jackson, and they'd all seen the good in him and let him move on from his mistakes. It wasn't fair of Aaron to still feel such hurt at the memories of Robert's pointed, viscous words at the scrapyard, to keep coming back to them in his mind over and over, like pressing down on a bruise. Ridiculous of him to still feel anger at it, because wasn't the reason it hurt so much the fact that Aaron knew it was all true? He is a fucked up mess, worse even than Robert had known at the time, and it's a testament to Robert's feelings that he was bothering with him at all.

He should – does – feel so lucky that Robert knows all of the ugliest parts of him and still wants him, is offering the rest of his life to him, especially after finding out about Gordon. Robert insists it doesn't make a difference to his feelings towards Aaron, romantic and sexual, and Aaron genuinely appreciates Robert saying that, but he's not an idiot. He's always known that what happened is a black mark that's going to cling to him his whole life and change how people look at him. He's raged against it, fought it, finally resigned himself to it, but he's always known it. Hell, his own uncle could barely look at him after finding out, couldn't help but see the ghost of Gordon's hands on him, and that was in purely platonic circumstances. He can't imagine it would be much of a turn on. Yet Robert is still there, still sometimes fixes him what that hungry look and sways in close, still has times where he can't seem to keep his hands off him and it feels so fucking good, to be able to make him look like that still, after everything.

Most importantly, he's _there_. He's there for the worst of him. When he's having one of his bad days and a small frustration drives him to angry tears Robert is there helping him work through it. When he has a panic attack because he's convinced he's failing Liv, Robert's there. When he can't sleep he's so worried about his mum, Robert is there.

All of the nights when he jerks awake, remnants of a nightmare still rattling around in his head – _train headlights blinding him-the crunch of glass and squeal of metal caving in around him-an enormous adult hand on the back of his head, forcing him into the mattress-lifeless eyes staring at him in accusation (Jackson's, Katie's, Clyde's)-Robert's blood wet and vivid on his hands-prison walls closing in around him-his mum needs him but he's useless, always useless useless useless_ – and Robert is there, warm and reassuring. Sometimes awake and talking him through it in that soft, calm voice of his, sometimes just a solid comforting presence in the steady breaths against the back of his neck and warm arm curled around his waist, but always there.

And if sometimes when he startles awake those arms feel like a vice around his waist, and his nightmare clings to him with images of wild, desperate eyes and the barrel of a gun. If sometimes all he can see when he looks at him is the man who shot his dad. Well. No relationship is perfect. Everyone has done things they regret.

Above all, what settles it is that Aaron is just so, so in love with him, so much that it hurts, and what he's learning through all of the losses he's suffered and witnessed in life is that if you love something you should hold onto it and make it last as long as possible. So that decides his answer. He's going to talk it out with Robert, make sure it's what he really wants. And if it is?

He's going to say yes.


End file.
